The HSM Dictionary

Some of these phrases and nicknames are well known to tennis fans, but some are just random ones that we use ourselves. If any of them offend you, then tough shit. A sense of humor is essential in these parts.

____________________ATP________________________

Ambien: nickname for Andy Murray (he’s kinda boring, sorry!)

Blandy: other nickname for Andy Murray, but same reason.

Boom Boom Phau: Bjorn Phau

BonerKiller: Albert Costa (see “The Third Wheel”)

Botox: nickname for Juan Martin Del Potro (we like him, but facial expressions are limited xD)

B’datis: nickname for Marcos Baghdatis and will be his rap name should he ever pursue that career. Taken from the way his last name was spelled during 2009 Queens tourney. (Also see: Tips’vic)

BenneJo: dubs team consisting of Jo-Wilfried Tsonga and Julien Benneteau. Because Jills likes naming dubs teams

Chardonnay: nickname for Jeremy Chardy. Could insert sexually suggestive wine reference here, but won’t.

Chucho: nickname for José Acasuso

Deli Lopez: Feliciano Lopez, originally a typo that took off. Also an imaginary restaurant in Madrid.

Delpo: nickname for Juan Martin Del Potro

Dick: Andy RodDICK (bc he acts like a dick on court, truefax)

Djole, Djo-Djo: nickname for Djordje Djokovic, Nole’s little brother. He is awesome and he will win the AO in 2015!

Douche Twins: nickname for the Bryan Brothers.

Failderer: nickname for Roger Federer

Falcon: Novak Djokovic (Don’t care if he switched to Sergio Tacchini, he’ll always be Falcon around here.)

Federror: nickname for Roger Federer when he’s erroring a lot.

Fedouche, Fedoucher: more nicknames for Roger Federer.

Felando: nickname for the epic leftie dubs team of Feliciano Lopez and Fernando Verdasco. Haters be damned.

Feli: nickname for Feliciano Lopez, one  half of best dubs team ever.

Feña: nickname for Fernando Gonzalez

Ferru: nickname for David Ferrer

FeVer: Another nickname for Fernando Verdasco

Foghat: nickname for Fabio Fognini; so dubbed by Jills for giving Gilles hell in Rome ’09.

Foot-dragger: nickname for Jeremy Chardy, bc of his adorable habit of dragging his feet between points.

Gillou: nickname for Gilles Simon

Gillemy: nickname for very hot, but fairly ineffective dubs team of Jeremy Chardy and Gilles Simon.

Gonzo: nickname for Fernando Gonzalez

Grisha: nickname for Grigor Dimitrov

Haasi/Haasi-case: nickname for Tommy Haas, which he gave himself when he was berating himself at the AO. Add the “case” when he’s being a headcase, which happens a lot.

Hagrid: John Isner

Hott Sauce: nickname for Fernando Verdasco

Jailbait: nickname for Grigor Dimitrov

Jezza: nickname for Jeremy Chardy

JCF: nickname for Juan Carlos Ferrero

JMDP: Juan Martín Del Potro (epic Fed-slayer of the US Open)

Juanqui: nickname for Juan Carlos Ferrero

Judas: Nicolas Almagro

Lady Darcis: nickname for Steve Darcis (Credit to Neil )

Lames Blah: James Blake’s real name.

MAndy: nickname for Andy Murray

Mo/MoLay: nickname for Mohamed Lahyani. Best umpire ever. Others don’t even compare, so don’t bother.

Monf/LaMonf: nickname for Gael Monfils

Mono Gram: nickname for Roger Federer; refers to his stupid monogram, as well as his fake case of mono (props to Neil)

Muzz/The Muzzard: nickname for Andy Murray

Nando: nickname for Fernando Verdasco, one half of best dubs team ever.

Nandole: an epic joining of two immensely hot ATP players (Novak Djokovic and Fernando Verdasco)  in a match at Monte Carlo 2009. Coined during that match, now used whenever they play eachother.

Nalby: nickname for David Nalbandian.

Pico: nickname for Juan Monaco

PHM: nickname for Paul-Henri Mathieu

Rafa: UM, nickname for RAFAEL NADAL. If you looked this up, idek.

Rafole:An epic joining of two immensely awesome players, Rafa and Nole. It’s the best current tennis rivalry out there. Way better than Fedal. Used whenever they play eachother.

RAndy: Andy Roddick

Richie: nickname for Richard Gasquet

RRBC/Round Robin Bo Carl: nickname for Robin Soderling, who plays well in RR format.

Sir Shankalot: Federer when he suddenly starts shanking everywhere. Good times.

(Sexy) Smurf – Novak Djokovic, because of his epic blue shirt and shoes, circa 2009. RIP Smurf outfit: you are missed.

Sod/The Sod: Robin Soderling (either a term of endearment or disgust, depending on your opinion of him.)

Superstar: nickname for Scoville Jenkins, a fricking rad American player with an awesome name.

Sven: God, according to us and Brodie at MindTheRacket blog. Sven’s soul is in the net(cord). He makes things happen, so we must praise him. He’s also a coach for the Adidas program when not ruling over the world.

Sweagle – nickname for Mohamed Lahyani, the best chair umpire in the universe, whom we worship; refers to the fact that he’s Swedish and he has eagle-eyed vision. (coined by Jills)

Tabasco: Yet another nickname for Fernando Verdasco (there can never be too many!), bc he’s hot.

Tips’vic: nickname for Janko Tipsarevic, thanks to whoever did the graphics for the 2009 Queens telecast. Also would be his rap name if he pursues a rap career. (Also see: B’datis)

TMD/The Mighty Douche: Roger Federer (We don’t like Fed. At all. Move on if you can’t deal with that fact.)

The Third Wheel: Albert Costa (due to his trying to be a part of the Feli-Nando celebration during DC 2009 final.)

The Other Murray: Jamie Murray

T-Berd: nickname for Tomas Berdych

T-Rob: nickname for Tommy Robredo

Tio/El Tio: Toni Nadal (Rafa’s uncle if you’ve been living under a rock.)

Tree: nickname for John Isner (created by Lils bc he’s tall, totally nothing to do with the tennis term “treeing” jsyk)

Vanilli Manilli: Vince Spadea

Vik: short for Viktor Troicki.

Viktole: nickname for the dubs pairing of Viktor Troicki and Novak Djokovic.

_____________________Terms___________________

CILF: Coach I‘d Like to Fuck. First coined after seeing Fognini’s coach, applies to many different coaches though.

craxy: describes people who are super-crazy, like the FedKADs.

DBO: Death By Orgasm. Speaks for itself, but it’s when something/someone is so hot or cute it basically kills you.

djokohones – what Nole showed in Rome 2009 after losing to Rafa in the Final. Nole + cojones = djokohones = mighty balls: wit and courage and awesomeness.

failhand: Federer’s forehand when it starts fucking up inexplicably. (ironically, this term also used when his backhand fucks up)

Falcon frazzle: a special, extremely severe type of frazzling experienced by NoleKADs.

federror!: HSM cheer when Fed makes an unforced error.

frazzle: “to frazzle” means to get so nervous during a match that you can barely see straight.

Functional Box: our name  for the so-called Magic Box, a sporting venue that debuted in Madrid 2009 for the Mutua Madrileña Madrid Open. So named because the clay is new and therefore causes a multitude of problems, the building’s not finished and the audience is very scarce. It’s not magic, but it is functional!!

“Get your first Serb in!”: one of our mottos, because we flove the Serbs. Originally came from Ken Thomas’ radio signoff “Get your first serve in,” but was amended by us.

Gonzantic: adjective describing anything or anyone that is epically awesome. Coined by Randomness King Robbie Koenig, it’s a reference to Fernando Gonzalez’ uber shot-making circa Rome 2009

grushing: the act of avenging the fallen hotness in the following round.

hackeye: a typo of Hawkeye that stuck. To be used when the Hawkeye challenge system is broken, non-existent, or when a player we hate uses it to get a call successfully overturned.

hag: anyone that doesn’t like the Armada players.

integrityDBO: a method of playing the Suicide Pool game wherein you cannot pick players for whom you would not cheer.

KAD (Kool-Aid Drinker): A super-massive fan of any player. History lesson: the term originated the Jim Jones cult, where people drank poisoned Kool-Aid (it was actually Flavor-Aid, little known fact) and died for their cult leader. The way we use it, if you’re a “KAD” of someone it basically means that you’re a devoted fan, and you love them no matter what mistakes/faults they have. DOESN’T mean we think they are perfect. We’re well aware of their faults, we just choose not to focus on them. There are RafaKADs, FedKADs, NoleKADs, etc. There are also sluttyKADs, which are those of us who are KADs of a lot of different players. Hey, being a sluttyKAD is perfectly dignified, plenty of obsession to spread around.

linemark rage (LMR): term for when a player freaks out over a close call on clay and proceeds to throw a tantrum/hissy fit. See Soderling when he played Rafa in Rome 2009 for a hilarious example. Or Gonzo when he played Sod at RG 2009.

mad hand: refers to the yelling and cussing done at one’s hands when frustrated during a match – see Muzz and/or Gilles matches  for examples.

shank suicide: to shank balls out constantly and lose because of it; originated during the Fed vs Nole Miami 2009 match.

toow!: sarcastic form of woot! (As in “Fed won today, toow!”)

vitch: what we started calling ourselves/eachother a long time ago. It’s the next step after bitch, it’s bitch to the nth degree. Because “bitch” just doesn’t cut it sometimes.

________________________WTA_________________________

BarbZáhlCová: Nickname for Barbora Záhlavová Strycová, cos her name is ridic long

Bepa: spelling of Vera Zvonareva that makes her name ugly. Woot.

Blahroline: nickname for Caroline Wozniacki

Cindy Lou Who: Nickname for Alize Cornet

Dina: nickname for Dinara Safina

Flavs/Flava Flav/The Countess of Court #3: nickname for Flavia Pennetta

JJ/ The Glittery One: nicknames for Jelena Jankovic

Haley Joel Osment:nickname for Justine Henin

Journey’s postergirl: nickname for Melanie Oudin

JuJu: Justine Henin

Kiri/The Goddess: Maria Kirilenko

Lena/ Demi: Elena Dementieva

Manhandsovic: Ana Ivanovic

Masha: Maria Sharapova

Mono/ Fat ass Mono: Marion Bartoli

Pavs: nickname for Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova.

Queen Vee: Venus Williams

ReRe: Serena Williams

Towelly Bitch: Vera Zvonereva

Vika: nickname for Victoria Azarenka

(The) Viro: nickname for Victoria Azarenka and Caroline Wozniacki, twitter besties and good friends on the tennis circuit. They’re the female Felando.