Suck it, Haley Joel. ReRe retains her title.

Serena Williams def. Justine Henin, 6-4, 3-6, 6-2.

How’d ya like them apples, bitch?

Haley Joel reaffirmed my notion that Kimmy is the awesomest Belgian awesomer that ever did awesome when she was beaten by ReRe in the AO final. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no ReRe fan, I just prefer a bitch with attitude who looks like she’d kick your ass to a bitch who’s boring and looks like Haley Joel Osment. I just can’t shake the feeling that Haley Joel is probs really pissed that Kim’s Mumback was more successful in the early stages than her comeback. And that warms my cold vitchy heart.

ReRe seemed genuinely thrilled at winning her 12th (count ’em y’all, TWELVE!) major. Her speech was sweet in places (her BJK shoutout was cute), and LOLarious in others. “Havin a G moment”? WTAF ReRe? Give up the fucking cash cow for a few minutes, could ya?

In all seriousness (STFU, I can be serious!), ReRe deserves mucho props for winning her 12th major, and record-breaking 5th AO title. Good for you, bitch.

This year is gonna be EPIC on the WTA Tour. Let the clusterfuck begin.