Fedouche defeats Muzz for 16th slam

OK, I’mma make this quick and painless. Much like the match. Except the match fucking sucked.

TMD won the Aussie Open final 6-3, 6-4, 7-6.

He beat Britain’s finest, MAndy in the final, who had 5 set points in the 3rd set.

Poor Muzz was upset. He was also bringing the LOLz; “I can cry like Roger, it’s a shame I can’t play like him.”

Congrats to TMD and his fans.

Fuck the AO. It was full of FAIL this year. Roll on Masters 1000 tournies.

Suck it, Haley Joel. ReRe retains her title.

Serena Williams def. Justine Henin, 6-4, 3-6, 6-2.

How’d ya like them apples, bitch?

Haley Joel reaffirmed my notion that Kimmy is the awesomest Belgian awesomer that ever did awesome when she was beaten by ReRe in the AO final. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no ReRe fan, I just prefer a bitch with attitude who looks like she’d kick your ass to a bitch who’s boring and looks like Haley Joel Osment. I just can’t shake the feeling that Haley Joel is probs really pissed that Kim’s Mumback was more successful in the early stages than her comeback. And that warms my cold vitchy heart.

ReRe seemed genuinely thrilled at winning her 12th (count ’em y’all, TWELVE!) major. Her speech was sweet in places (her BJK shoutout was cute), and LOLarious in others. “Havin a G moment”? WTAF ReRe? Give up the fucking cash cow for a few minutes, could ya?

In all seriousness (STFU, I can be serious!), ReRe deserves mucho props for winning her 12th major, and record-breaking 5th AO title. Good for you, bitch.

This year is gonna be EPIC on the WTA Tour. Let the clusterfuck begin.

 

Go Muzz!!!!

The men’s final is set up *drum roll* Fedouche vs. Muzz

Can Fed stop being in slam finals? It’s like totally killing the joy of tennis for me and many people that I know. Well except for those that worship at his altar. By now we all know that Muzz beat Cilic in 4 and has been resting for 2 days. Fed, as expected, totally bitch-slapped Jo all around the court in the semis. Fed just knows how to play him. Come on, it took Jo 5 sets to beat a sick Nole. So I totally knew this was going to happen. Now I will have a small imaginary chat with Andrew Murray;

Andy, I’m not really your fan. You totally seem like a nice dude, boring but nice. Being a fellow Rafa fan gives you extra Brownie points. I think your time to win a slam has finally come. So you need to get those Scottish balls out and win this shit. You’re not a slam final virgin anymore. You weren’t fucked over by the schedule because of a storm and the USTA giving Fed preferential treatment. You have beaten Fed quite a few times. Do it when it really counts, at a slam.  It’s your time man, it’s your time.

So I bring the Scottish flag out and I’m going to get a mild case of Ginge Fever just for this final.

Come On Murray!!

That’s how it goes, right?

The Battle For The Real #1?

The AO Women’s final is all set up. *drum roll* Serena vs. Justine!

What is it with the ReRe screaming pics? This was the least scary that I found.

ReRe beat Nails is two TB sets. Nails, you kind of suck in TBs. It wasn’t a easy match for Serena but we all know how she is when she’s playing for a slam. Pure guts and will. I think she will have to play better in the final if she wants to win. She looks like a mummy with all the bandages and her movement has not been that great. The injury that she’s carrying has been affecting her and she has a tough costumer in the final.

Well this semi was the total opposite from the other one. JuJu open up the bakery and feed Zheng a bread stick and a bagel. She looked like the Justine of Old. This match went really fast. Justine was bring it and Zheng didn’t change her tactics.

I think, I might be one of the few fans that is really excited about this final. ReRe and JuJu have played 13 times with ReRe leading there H2H 7-6. Amazingly this is the first slam final against each other.  We all know that JuJu and ReRe are amazing players, no one can deny that. But both of them are polarizing figures. There are in the category that you either love them or hate them. I have no idea who’s going to win this. I think maybe Justine. I really don’t know. Who do you guys think is going to win?

I’m Pissed

So everyone I wanted to win last night lost. So I’m going to be real here. I don’t give a fuck who wins the AO now. All I know is that there’s one douche that I don’t want to win . I don’t even have to mention his name, we all know who it is. The dude has enough slams. I’m going to start with the chicks first then with the dudes.

What. a. shit fest? Vee should have won this match. She even served for it. This match was so bad that I keep falling asleep. I took like 5 naps. If someone wants to see what bad tennis is, just watch that craptastic 3rd set. It was a total breakfest and full of errors. What is it with Vee going all headcasey at the AO? Last year was Suarez Navarro. This year was Li Na. Nails got it done in the end and becomes the first Chinese Lady ( I took that from Killer Cahill, WTF? She has a name, dude) to make the top 10 so congrats to her.

This was actually a good match. It had nice winners and it had funny moments. I totally thought Vika had this. But this is Serena Effing Williams and she’s playing for a slam. Vika didn’t choke, Serena took it from her. I’m sad, I wanted Vika to win but she did give her all, so I’m proud of this awesome bitch with the Siren song.  She will win a slam in the future of that I’m sure.

Now to the dudes:

Kolya you’re useless

What are you smiling about, you choker? You just lost you idiot.

Like many expected Kolya choked against Fed. Kolya won the first set and was about to go up a double break in the second. Then he went all headcasey started to play like shit. He totally proved that he’s Russian. Fed took like 10  straight games and the rest is history. Fed won in four. Whatevs.

Poor Baby. For those who say that Nole is a pussy for retiring from other slams. Suck it. The boy was sick and brought the Djokohones out. He lost in 5 against Jo and fought till the very end even if he was feeling like crap. So with this Nole misses his chance to be #1 for now. I think he will get #2, still no idea and really don’t care about rankings at the moment.

Congrats to Jo. Let see if you can beat Fed. I don’t think he can to be honest. Still as a proud member of the ABF Club I’ll be rooting for Jo. Allez!

Complete Scores: Here

OOP Thursday: Here

Fuck you, tennis Gods.

In what started out as a great match, with amazing tennis from both men, we ended up with a fucking slap in the face from the tennis Gods and Rafa’s knees.

El sigho.

They both played so well, the standard of tennis was awesome and both came up with amazing shots. Until at 1-1 in the third, in the middle of a service game, Rafa cals for the trainer to tend to his precious knees. After the MTO, he tried to go on, but the pain got too much, and retired to give Muzz a 6-3, 7-6, 3-0 win.

Rafa apologised to Andy about having to retire, and in his on court interview MAndy said he was “gutted for Rafa, he’s my favourite player to watch.” Nice. That’s respect y’all.

So Muzz, who played awesome tennis is through to the semis. Good for you, MAndy. He’ll now face Marin, who beat RAndy in 5.

Rafa, we here at HSM love you. Please, go take care of the Holy Knees. Tu puede miel! Vamos!

His presser; http://www.australianopen.com/en_AU/news/interviews/2010-01-26/201001261264509928453.html

Aussie Open Day 8 Dudes results. The day the hotness died.

Well, overall, that fucking sucked.

Good job, photog. HSM fave and DBO provider Nando lost another epic five setter, this time to the ultimate boner killer….

Damn you Kolya. Why ya gotta play us HSM ladies like that? Stop beating our faves ya tool! (Although we do love your missus. Irina pwns everyone.)

Nando fought back from two ses to love down to force a decider, but in the end, lost by 6-2, 7-5, 4-6, 6-7, 6-3.

Kolya will now play TMD, who ruined the night of Aussie fans, and indeed TMD haterz, by beating Lleyton in straights. I didn’t see the match, but hear it was an incredibly boring affair. What a shock. Kolya, I usually DGAF about your matches, but try and actually beat TMD when it matters this time. Otherwise…

This BAMF will probably kick your ass, and you’ll be on the HSM shitlist forever.

There was some good news today, this hottie got great win..

beating Lukasz Kubot in straights, and will now face this cutie…

..who came through another five set epic against Assmagro. It will be a repeat of the 2008 AO final. Gah. I can’t wait!

Day 9 OOP on RLA (11am start) Day Sesh : Haley Joel Henin v Nads, Jay Z vs MaKiri, RANdy vs Marin.

Evening Sesh( NB 19:30): Rafa vs MAndy bitches!!! Followed by the Douche Twins vs Some other dudes.