Go Muzz!!!!

The men’s final is set up *drum roll* Fedouche vs. Muzz

Can Fed stop being in slam finals? It’s like totally killing the joy of tennis for me and many people that I know. Well except for those that worship at his altar. By now we all know that Muzz beat Cilic in 4 and has been resting for 2 days. Fed, as expected, totally bitch-slapped Jo all around the court in the semis. Fed just knows how to play him. Come on, it took Jo 5 sets to beat a sick Nole. So I totally knew this was going to happen. Now I will have a small imaginary chat with Andrew Murray;

Andy, I’m not really your fan. You totally seem like a nice dude, boring but nice. Being a fellow Rafa fan gives you extra Brownie points. I think your time to win a slam has finally come. So you need to get those Scottish balls out and win this shit. You’re not a slam final virgin anymore. You weren’t fucked over by the schedule because of a storm and the USTA giving Fed preferential treatment. You have beaten Fed quite a few times. Do it when it really counts, at a slam.  It’s your time man, it’s your time.

So I bring the Scottish flag out and I’m going to get a mild case of Ginge Fever just for this final.

Come On Murray!!

That’s how it goes, right?

The Battle For The Real #1?

The AO Women’s final is all set up. *drum roll* Serena vs. Justine!

What is it with the ReRe screaming pics? This was the least scary that I found.

ReRe beat Nails is two TB sets. Nails, you kind of suck in TBs. It wasn’t a easy match for Serena but we all know how she is when she’s playing for a slam. Pure guts and will. I think she will have to play better in the final if she wants to win. She looks like a mummy with all the bandages and her movement has not been that great. The injury that she’s carrying has been affecting her and she has a tough costumer in the final.

Well this semi was the total opposite from the other one. JuJu open up the bakery and feed Zheng a bread stick and a bagel. She looked like the Justine of Old. This match went really fast. Justine was bring it and Zheng didn’t change her tactics.

I think, I might be one of the few fans that is really excited about this final. ReRe and JuJu have played 13 times with ReRe leading there H2H 7-6. Amazingly this is the first slam final against each other.  We all know that JuJu and ReRe are amazing players, no one can deny that. But both of them are polarizing figures. There are in the category that you either love them or hate them. I have no idea who’s going to win this. I think maybe Justine. I really don’t know. Who do you guys think is going to win?

I’m Pissed

So everyone I wanted to win last night lost. So I’m going to be real here. I don’t give a fuck who wins the AO now. All I know is that there’s one douche that I don’t want to win . I don’t even have to mention his name, we all know who it is. The dude has enough slams. I’m going to start with the chicks first then with the dudes.

What. a. shit fest? Vee should have won this match. She even served for it. This match was so bad that I keep falling asleep. I took like 5 naps. If someone wants to see what bad tennis is, just watch that craptastic 3rd set. It was a total breakfest and full of errors. What is it with Vee going all headcasey at the AO? Last year was Suarez Navarro. This year was Li Na. Nails got it done in the end and becomes the first Chinese Lady ( I took that from Killer Cahill, WTF? She has a name, dude) to make the top 10 so congrats to her.

This was actually a good match. It had nice winners and it had funny moments. I totally thought Vika had this. But this is Serena Effing Williams and she’s playing for a slam. Vika didn’t choke, Serena took it from her. I’m sad, I wanted Vika to win but she did give her all, so I’m proud of this awesome bitch with the Siren song.  She will win a slam in the future of that I’m sure.

Now to the dudes:

Kolya you’re useless

What are you smiling about, you choker? You just lost you idiot.

Like many expected Kolya choked against Fed. Kolya won the first set and was about to go up a double break in the second. Then he went all headcasey started to play like shit. He totally proved that he’s Russian. Fed took like 10  straight games and the rest is history. Fed won in four. Whatevs.

Poor Baby. For those who say that Nole is a pussy for retiring from other slams. Suck it. The boy was sick and brought the Djokohones out. He lost in 5 against Jo and fought till the very end even if he was feeling like crap. So with this Nole misses his chance to be #1 for now. I think he will get #2, still no idea and really don’t care about rankings at the moment.

Congrats to Jo. Let see if you can beat Fed. I don’t think he can to be honest. Still as a proud member of the ABF Club I’ll be rooting for Jo. Allez!

Complete Scores: Here

OOP Thursday: Here

Australian Open Day 5: WTA

I will start with a tweet from the Queen Vitch, Jills:

“I can’t wait until tennis starts. I’m going to be cheering for upsets all night. UPSETS. Chaos, drama and disaster ftw.”

Someone got their wish. You ask all that and WTA shall provide.  Let’s start because there was a ton of drama today and maybe the biggest “WTF just happened in this match?” EVAH.  I will start with the wins then with the juicy upsets.

Dina cruised against Baltacha. No one has Dina in the conversation as a contender for the title, even if she’s still #2 in the World. I think that’s how she likes it. Maybe her time has come to finally win a slam? You never know, predictions are useless in the WTA. Moving on.

Kiri keeps kicking ass and backing up her win against Masha. She won in 2 hard fought sets against Vinci.

JuJu had to rally back against Kleybs after losing the first set. Right there you could feel there was something in the air. It seems Justine is carrying some kind of injury. So, yeah.

Another one that got a scare was Kuzz. She also had to fight back against Kerber. She was really close to packing her bags. She won in 3 hard fought sets at the end.

Now to the juicy upsets.

This upset makes me happy. I can’t stand Bartoli. She’s maybe the only WTA player that I really, really dislike. She lost to cutie Zheng in 3 sets including a bagel in the 3rd. *giggles*

Following the steps of her Serbian Sister Ana, JJ and her Carmen Miranda dress lost in straights to ABond. WTF JJ? She played shitty, her serve was worse than usual and her ground strokes were utter crap. The ball is supposed to go inside the lines, JJ. The doubles alley lines doesn’t count. Talk about shitty play.

The biggest OMG WTF STFU R U SRS I have ever seen in a tennis match. I still can’t believe it. I don’t think anyone (not even Kim) knows what the hell happened. I love Nadia’s game- she was #3 in the world at some point. She has great ground strokes and an awesome serve, but she’s a headcase. You never know what you’re going to get. She was on fire last night and Kim wasn’t on court. Nadia won the first set 6-0 in 15 min and Kim only won 5 points in that set. 5 points!!!

Then the second set started and it was more of the same. Kim finally won a game, the only game she won the whole match. She won 1 game!!! This is what’s call a spanking of epic proportions. I really thought Kim was the favorite here. I think everyone did. You know, since she won the USO and won a title just last week. Instead she got the biggest loss in her career. Can someone give a reason for what the hell went on? Pam Shiver said that she was afraid of playing Justine. WHAT!? She just beat her last week. Did she had family trouble? Pressure of being the so-called favorite? Someone? Anyone? Yeah, I don’t know either.

Complete Results: Here

Saturday’s OOP: Here

 

Australian Open Day 5: ATP

I decided to do two separate posts today because there is too much to process. I’ll post about the WTA later.

Today on the ATP side there were  upsets, five setters and scares.

It looks like he’s waiting for a kiss. So cute.

Well the day started with Feli vs Dick. Feli was playing really well and won the first set. He actually gave a good fight so I’m proud of him. He was also wearing just a jock strap and you could kind of see his ass when he started sweating. Feli is always giving the fangirls what they want. Anyway, he lost in 4 at the end.

Is it me or is Dick looking Manorexic? Eat a sandwich, dude.

Dick will play Gonzo. He beat former Russian and new representative of the Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan Korolev in 5 sets.

Who keeps being injured, playing like shit and winning? DelPo. He won in 4 sets but got bageled in the second by Mayer. WTF? I have a feeling that his run might be coming to a end. He will play his clone next, Marin.

Marin beat Stan again in 4 sets and is looking really good. We all know that Marin is able to pull the upset and his game is quite similar to DelPo’s. I really want to see that match.

Talking about upsets. Hagrid keeps winning and kicking ass. He beat LaMonf in 4. His prize?

Playing this dude. Muzz cruised against Serra. He’s been quietly making his way through the draw. He’s been playing rather well (or his opponents are not that great.)  I haven’t seen him play, so idk. I saved the best for last.


Rafa beat the Techno King and resident of my shit list Kohls. I still haven’t forgiven him for beating Nole at the French. Rafa beat him in four. Rafa was up 2 sets to none and then this German Douche decided that he still wanted to play and not let me sleep by winning the 3rd set. Then I started to swear my ass off at 6 am in the morning. I knew Rafa was going to win but I was still scared.  Hey, I’m a KAD. In that 4th set I was really frazzled, Kohls gave Rafa a really hard time. Rafa’s next opponent?

The man with the serve from hell, Dr. Ivo. I’m already frazzled. Dr. Ivo beat his fellow country man Mr. Clean. I think everyone hates to see their faves play this wannabe rapper. I expect a couple of TBs and I hate TBs- they’re not good for my nerves. To help the other Rafa fans and I calm down, I’m posting a shirtless pic of Rafa:

Yum. Much better.

Australian Open: Day 4

Another day done and dusted. There were a couple of “upsets”. Well they’re not really upsets, but I’m upset about it. So, I’m going to get the bad things out of the way first.

FFS, Ferru. What I’m going to do with you? You where up 2 sets to none. Then you go all headcasey and lose in 5 to Baggy. I’m so pissed. I just want to slap some sense into the man. Yeah, yeah Baggy played great and his fans were annoying as hell. Whatevs.

Another of my faves that I want to slap some sense to, Ana. I’m really getting tired of this crap. The girl needs to get real and get a sport psychologist.  Her press conference was a total gem. The press conferences are not therapy sections, Ana.  I get that she’s still trying to be positive is not like she has to be all Dina like. I just think Ana is not being real with herself.  Until she does things won’t get better. Moving on.

Djokohones in full force.

Nole had a bit of a scare losing the first set to that other Swiss dude not named Fed or Stan. He played like crap that first set with tons of errors. By the 2nd he got his shit together and won rather easy. Good Boy.

Someone that also got his shit together, Nando. He cruised against Sergeyev. Thank Sven, he will probably have to play Kolya at some point and well the dude is looking really scary.

Pico won in 5 sets against Frenchie Llodra. I didn’t see the match since it seems all the matches I do want to see are put at the same time. I did want to show that they gave Pico a new ADIDAS kit. It’s not as bad as Nando because of the lack of a collar but the shorts are fug as hell.

Jo looks so adorable in this pic. That’s why I posted it. I’m not going to lie. He won rather easy against Dent. WTG Jo. Moving on to some WTA.

She looks so cute. Caro cruised in  to the 3rd round. She beat Goerges in straights. YAY, Sunshine!!

Now onto Caro’s BFF, bitch and eternal badass, Vika. She was amazing and handed out some baked products. She won in straights and bageled some Swiss chick in the 2nd set.

Complete Scores: Here

Friday’s OOPHere

 

Australian Open: Day 3

Yeah, I know we didn’t do a post about day 2. Sorry about that, but nothing exciting really happened. Fed lost a set to Igor and the commies thought it was the end of the world. Serena beat URad to the ground. So, let’s see what happened in day 3.

Today it was a really long day at the AO. There where a couple of 5 setters. One of those was DelPo vs Blah. I didn’t see the match since I needed some sleep. So WTF happened? Was Blah playing great or it has something to do with DelPo’s much talked wrist injury? Anyway, DelPo finally won 10-8 in the fifth. Thank Sven that Blah sucks in 5 setters, the name Lames Flake didn’t come out of nowhere.

The other epic 5 setter was Marin vs. that little Punk Tomic. Good for Tomic, he gave a good fight in front of the home crowd. The match ended at 2:30 am Sydney time. I’ll be sure to catch the repeat, no I won’t. Since those fuckers at ESPN2 didn’t show the match. I wanted to see the 5th set but got Mike and Mike in the Morning. Really nice ESPN2, you have like 4 other channels, ffs. Couldn’t you put that show in one of those?

Rafa  cruised against Lacko. Didn’t see much of the match, you know since  Dick and Hagrid are more important because there Americans. FU ESPN2 for cockbloking the match because of your American Bias. At least Dick was playing my boy Thomaz so I got some eye candy. But Hagrid was playing some Irish dude with no neck that looked like a Leprechaun. BTW, congrats to Emma  really nice for your country man, he made the main draw and got some nice cash.

On the WTA side the match that everyone wanted to see was the Lena vs JuJu match. The best 2nd round match ever according to ESPN2 *eyeroll*. I totally though that Lena was going to win. Since you know she beat Serena last week and was playing really well. So, I was burned again by Lena like she has done many times before. Justine won in straights, but it was a close match.

I also threw my hands in the air. I won’t trust Lena ever again. I think I finally learned my lesson.

Full Wednesday Results: Here

Thursday’s OOP: Here