Indian Wells Final, aka what the actual fuck is going on?

WHAT THE FUCK?

Ivan Ljubicic of Croatia defeated American Andy Roddick 7-6, 7-6 yesterday to win his first Masters 1000 trophy.

They guys at the net. I must say, I thought RAndy’s runner up speech was pretty classy.

Does he think Federer’s standing behind him or something? /snark

I’m only taking the piss. I flove RAndy. But let’s face it. He does tend to bend over for TMD.

Anyways, my bitterness as a Dick fan aside, Old Man Ljubicic deserves mucho props for his amazing run this past week. He defeated Rafa, Nole, Pico and RAndy en route to his first Masters Shield, aged 31.  Thirty fucking One. That’s no typo y’all. Nuff respeck, Mr Clean.

Aww. Ljubicic and his hot WAG Aida. Cute. Although in all honesty, his bald veiny head has been making me wanna vomit all week. Still. They’re sweet.

All that remains to be said is thank fuck IW is over. Roll on Miami, bitches!

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JJ kicks some bland butt to win her maiden IW title

Well, I am a very happy Vitch this evening. It’s no secret that I’m a Jelena Jankovic KAD, and bitch got shit done today, defeating Denmark’s Caroline Wozniacki 6-2,6-4 to win the BNP Paribas Open.

Le sigh. I love seeing her happy like that.

Anyways, she really played a great match. Her groundstrokes were awesome and, as per usual, her defensive skills were fucking amazing. Girl looked to be in really great shape.

Blahroline didn’t play badly. She was simply outplayed and outclassed by JJ in almost all departments. (JJ had 4 DFs to Caro’s 0, and, let’s face it, Caro looked way hotter. Tough I did like JJ’s ensemble, for once.) As my commie said, “Wozniacki is looking like a poor man’s Jankovic today.” How very true that was. Nevertheless, congrats to Wozniacki on becoming the new World #2.

Fierce bitch. I know that the fact I love JJ seems to make me an outsider amongst our HSMers and the awesome peeps that we chat to on Twitter. But I couldn’t give a flying fuck. I adore her. She was back to her bubbly, glittery self in the trophy presentation.

I am truly delighted for her. As Sveta once said, JJ, fuck the haters. You are the shit.

AJDE!

 

Rafa Hasn’t Fucked It Up. Yet.

I’m such a positive KAD sometimes, right? I blame it on 2009. It left me broken. That’s all I’m going to say. I think the other Rafa KADs get my point. IW is slowing down and we are seeing the last few matches. The ladies semi-finals are set and we have one of the men’s semi-finals set up. I’m going to start a bit different today with the chicks.

Smiley JJ, you have been missed. JJ beat Kleybs in straights,64 64. She looked much better than she did in her other matches. I actually saw her BH down the line that I love so much and it was actually inside the line. Now all we need is the glitter back. Bring back the Glitter, JJ!! Those were better times.  JJ’s semi-final opponent?

New Top 10 member Boring Stosur. I do like her game but somehow I find her boring. So I apologize to her fans. I blame it on the AO Hit for Haiti. She was like a prob in that exo. Maybe she’s just shy and all she want’s to do is play. I respect that; still find that she has a boring personality. Well anyway, she has been playing fantastic tennis this week. I saw her match against Martinez (even though I didn’t care). Her serve is pretty awesome and she has great volleys. The match ended on a total “WTF happened?” challenge. The IW crowd started to boo. Keep it classy, IW crowd. Even if the tourney is sponsored by a French bank doesn’t mean you have to act like a French Tennis crowd. The ladies semis are today. So check the OOP on the previous post.

Hotness Killer and ridiculous sweat band wearer Mr. Clean beat Pico in 3 sets, 46 62 61. Yeah, yeah it’s a nice story. Still super pissed that he beat Nole and Pico. Mr. Clean turns 31 today. Happy Birthday! I totally thought the dude was much older, he does look over 40. I wish him a couple of things as a Bday present. First that someone tells him how stupid and ridiculous he looks with that sweat band. Second a good ass kick tomorrow at the semi finals by the hand of this guy:

Rafa beat Berdy in straights sets,64 76(4). The match was really high quality. Both guys were playing really good. Rafa hit some amazing winners. I (of course) was frazzled the whole match, especially in that TB. I really like Berdy; he’s a cutie and a total headcase. I do have a love/hate relationship with him. I love when he plays well and wins when I’m rooting for him. I love when he goes all headcasey when he plays my faves. I hate when he’s playing well and beats my faves.  What I hate most of all? When he goes all headcasey when I’m rooting for him and he’s playing someone that I despise. 2009 AO anyone? Talking about headcasing, he totally did that last night DFing in the TB giving Rafa the mini break. Thanks Berdy! The men’s semis will be on Saturday so Mr.Clean and Rafa get a day of rest while the other dudes left fight it out for the 2 spots left in the semis.

Complete Results: Thursday, March 18, 2010

Men’s Singles – Quarter-finals
[3] R Nadal (ESP) d [19] T Berdych (CZE) 64 76(4)
[20] I Ljubicic (CRO) d [21] J Monaco (ARG) 46 62 61
Women’s Singles – Quarter-finals
[6] J Jankovic (SRB) d [23] A Kleybanova (RUS) 64 64
[8] S Stosur (AUS) d [28] M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) 63 76(7)
Men’s Doubles – Quarter-finals
[1] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) d [5] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) w/o (Cermak – back)
Women’s Doubles – Semi-finals
K Peschke (CZE) / K Srebotnik (SLO) d Y Chan (TPE) / J Zheng (CHN) 16 63 10-4

On a final note I will say my new mantra for this week. Rafa, please for all that is Holy don’t fuck it up.

IW Monday OOP

ORDER OF PLAY – MONDAY, MARCH 15, 2010

STADIUM 1 start 12:00 noon
[25] P Kohlschreiber (GER) vs [2] N Djokovic (SRB) – ATP
Not Before 1:00 PM
M Ancic (CRO) vs [3] R Nadal (ESP) – ATP
Not Before 4:00 PM
S Errani (ITA) vs [6] J Jankovic (SRB) – WTA
[1] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) or E Butorac (USA) / R Ram (USA) vs J Blake (USA) / A Roddick (USA) – ATP – Possible Court Change
Not Before 7:30 PM
[23] A Kleybanova (RUS) vs [14] K Clijsters (BEL) – WTA
Not Before 9:00 PM
[15] J Isner (USA) vs [17] S Querrey (USA) – ATP

STADIUM 2 start 11:00 am
[21] J Monaco (ARG) vs [11] J Ferrero (ESP) – ATP
[12] V Zvonareva (RUS) vs A Sevastova (LAT) – WTA
G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) vs [26] T Bellucci (BRA) – ATP
[19] T Berdych (CZE) vs [10] F Verdasco (ESP) – ATP
[3] V Azarenka (BLR) vs [28] M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) – WTA

STADIUM 3 start 11:00 am
[25] A Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) vs [8] S Stosur (AUS) – WTA
[9] F Pennetta (ITA) vs [17] S Peer (ISR) – WTA
R Vinci (ITA) vs [13] Y Wickmayer (BEL) – WTA
[Q] B Dabul (ARG) vs [20] I Ljubicic (CRO) – ATP

COURT 4 start 11:00 am
K Peschke (CZE) / K Srebotnik (SLO) vs N Grandin (RSA) / A Spears (USA) – WTA
[6] S Aspelin (SWE) / P Hanley (AUS) vs J Benneteau (FRA) / J Tsonga (FRA) – ATP
[1] C Black (ZIM) / L Huber (USA) vs A Amanmuradova (UZB) / D Kustova (BLR) – WTA
C Suarez Navarro (ESP) vs [27] A Szavay (HUN) – WTA

COURT 6 start 2:00 pm
A Hlavackova (CZE) / L Hradecka (CZE) vs [3] N Petrova (RUS) / S Stosur (AUS) – WTA – After Suitable Rest
D Ferrer (ESP) / A Montanes (ESP) vs I Karlovic (CRO) / D Vemic (SRB) – ATP

Masha, Monfils out; TMD, Blahroline through

Yeah. So yesterday at IW was pretty much total fail. HSM faves Masha, Evgeny, Ferru, Monfils, MaKiri and Bally (among others) were all knocked out. While douchenags that we’re not toofond of gave us all hope by losing sets only to come back and win. Yeah, I am talking about you know who.

Masha lost to the Jay Zizzle, in a truly shiteous match, in three sets

Le sigh. Monfils lost to Simon Greul, who is now totally shitlisted til further notice

I swear, this wasn’t a bitchy photo selection on my part. Twas the best of the lot. I’m actually serious. She ousted Kiri

All results:

Men’s Singles – Third Round [29] V Troicki (SRB) d [5] N Davydenko – w/o (broken left wrist)

Men’s Singles – Second Round

[1] R Federer (SUI) d V Hanescu (ROU) 63 67(5) 61

 [4] A Murray (GBR) d A Seppi (ITA) 64 64

 [6] R Soderling (SWE) d E Korolev (KAZ) 62 64

[7] A Roddick (USA) d [Q] Y Lu (TPE) 64 64

[9] J Tsonga (FRA) d [Q] M Matosevic (AUS) 61 63

S Greul (GER) d [12] G Monfils (FRA) 16 62 63

J Blake (USA) d [13] D Ferrer (ESP) 61 64

D Sela (ISR) d [14] R Stepanek (CZE) 64 16 62

[18] T Robredo (ESP) d S Stakhovsky (UKR) 36 63 75

[22] J Melzer (AUT) d [WC] D Nalbandian (ARG) 64 61

N Almagro (ESP) d [23] I Karlovic (CRO) 75 76(5)

[24] A Montanes (ESP) d [Q] R Mello (BRA) 36 64 64

[27] M Baghdatis (CYP) d A Clement (FRA) 76(7) 61

[28] F Lopez (ESP) d P Mathieu (FRA) 36 63 64

T de Bakker (NED) d [30] J Tipsarevic (SRB) 32 ret. (abdominal strain)

M Russell (USA) d [32] I Andreev (RUS) 46 63 62

 Men’s Doubles – Second Round M Llodra (FRA) / A Ram (ISR) d J Tipsarevic (SRB) / V Troicki (SRB) w/o (Tipsarevic – abdominal strain) Men’s Doubles – First Round [1] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) d E Butorac (USA) / R Ram (USA) 63 64 T Berdych (CZE) / P Kohlschreiber (GER) d [2] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) 76(4) 75 [WC] M Lopez (ESP) / R Nadal (ESP) d [3] L Dlouhy (CZE) / L Paes (IND) 64 36 10-6 [6] S Aspelin (SWE) / P Hanley (AUS) d J Kerr (AUS) / F Polasek (SVK) 75 63 F Lopez (ESP) / F Verdasco (ESP) d [WC] M Ancic (CRO) / M Fish (USA) 76(9) 63

Women’s Singles – Third Round

[2] C Wozniacki (DEN) d [32] M Kirilenko (RUS) 60 63

[4] E Dementieva (RUS) d K Flipkens (BEL) 64 62

[5] A Radwanska (POL) d [31] G Dulko (ARG) 61 60

[18] J Zheng (CHN) d [10] M Sharapova (RUS) 63 26 63

[11] M Bartoli (FRA) d J Craybas (USA) 62 60

[19] A Rezai (FRA) d [15] F Schiavone (ITA) 67(4) 76(2) 64

[16] N Petrova (RUS) d S Peng (CHN) 61 75

[WC] A Molik (AUS) d [Q] E Baltacha (GBR) 60 62

Women’s Doubles – Second Round [2] N Llagostera Vives (ESP) / M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) d G Dulko (ARG) / F Pennetta (ITA) 75 76(4) I Benesova (CZE) / B Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) d [5] A Kleybanova (RUS) / F Schiavone (ITA) 57 75 10-1 [6] B Mattek-Sands (USA) / Z Yan (CHN) d [WC] T Garbin (ITA) / J Jankovic (SRB) 64 46 10-5

All Fashion Police units to IW please

It’s IW time, bitches!!!

Last night saw the BNP Paribas Open Player’s Party. Here are some of our fave examples of the “fashion” on show.

Oh, Rafa. Your horrific fashion sense is utterly endearing

If any other player wore this, I’d give them shit for being mumsy. But I love Kim, and she really is a Mama. So, work it!

The Joe Six Pack of the ATP. He’s just a normal dude!

Next time someone calls Muzz “The Ginge Hotness”, I’m having them sectioned.

I’m a JJkad. So, I’ll just say this isn’t one of her worst efforts.  But seriously, WTF?

Ana and Sorana. I think both look beautiful. Ivanovic in particular looks gorgeous.

I am trying *so* hard not to say something mean (and truthful) about this. So, yeah. Just no.

LMAO. Oh Dani. I had an outfit just like this about 6 years ago. When I was 16 and didn’t know any better.

So, HSMers, who did YOU think was the Best/Worst dressed?

Hit for Haiti – part deux announced

For a sport that has a reputation for being elitist, Tennis sure does do a lot of good in the world of charity. In what can be filed under “pure awesome win”, it has been announced that Rafa Nadal and André Agassi will take on TMD and his equally douchey “GOAT” predecessor, Pete Sampras, in a doubles match as a  “Hit for Haiti” mark two at Indian Wells in March.

Yeah. I’m gonna go ahead and say I want these dudes to win.

Although kudos to these douchebags for getting involved in even more charity work.

The match will take place on March 12th, and will be televised by The Tennis Channel. New IW tournament owner, Larry Ellison, is organising it, and donated $1m of his own money, so well done to him.

Let’s just hope that a lot of money is raised for this very worthy cause, and that the match is as epic as it could be!