RG QFs; shit just got real

Dude. What a fucking day at RG.

HSM uber fave, and all round King of Awesome Nole lost to Jurgen Melzer in a tough and epic 5 setter. Nole had lead by two sets to love and a break. This was such a tough loss. But credit where it’s due, Melzer played the match of his fucking life. Well done to him. Hugs to our fellow Nole fans. Especially our resident Serbian BAMF Aleksa.

Melzer’s reward? A match with….

King of Clay Rafa, who took out his douchebag compatriot Nicolas Assmagro in straights. It was actually a tough match, Rafa made shitloads of unforced errors, but he came through in the end and that’s all that matters. Vamos!

In the ladies draw,

these two chicks will face off in the Semis. I love JJ so much, but TBH, a round of applause is required for the fucking amazing Slammin’ Sammy Stosur. She took out Haley Joel Henin and World #1 ReRe in consecutive matches. That is truly badass. My girl JJ beat Yaroslava Shvedova in straights. Ajde!

We will have a virgin slam winner lift the trophy. The WTA semis are tomorrow;

http://www.rolandgarros.com/en_FR/scores/schedule/index.html

I’m gonna be about as fair and balanced as Faux News here and say I’d like to see JJ win this motherfucker. AJDE GLITTER TRAIN!

(I mean, I’d be happy for any of the others, who are all great, but I’m a JJ KAD)

Players Party: Full Of Fashion Don’ts and Media Whores.

The Sony Ericsson Open Players Party was last night a bunch of players attended and some people that I really don’t know who the fuck they are. Why do the photographers even bother? So I’m going to ignore the media whores and concentrate on the true stars of the party ( No, I’m not talking about NERD aka the entertainment) I mean the players of course. I’m still full of OMG!, WTFs? and Really? so you will see that a lot of those in this post.

Pic Spam Alert!!!!

I have to say that JJ is looking quite fab. Is like she found the right balance with being glittery and classy. So Yay!

I don’t know if I like or hate Vee’s dress. Okay I hate it, so yeah. It looks like she took the dress from her mom’s closet. Really, Vee?

Someone maybe injured but still looking amazing.  But don’t tell  ReRe, we don’t need her ego to get any bigger.

The Rad sisters. OMG! I’m just…. I’m lost for words. First ARad, I always see her and think Jersey Girl.  Are the Animal Prints still in? URad WTF is with the shoes? Really, pink dress and blue shoes?

Oh, look the Little Mermaid! Or maybe Tinkerbell! WTF are you wearing Caro? It looks like they painted the dress on her. I’m sad to say (not really) that she looked kind of trashy.

Now to the boys and there we don’t give fuck look.

At least try, dude. Whatevs,next.

Muzz looks decent. That’s all I will say.

First of all the caption was hilarious it actually said Rafael Nadal so I needed a few minutes to control my giggle fit. After that I saw what Nando was wearing. Sigh. Really, Nando? You’re so much better than this. No shaving, his hair is a mess (Bring back the Nando Hawk!!) and the clothes. *shakes head* Since when does Nando not take care of himself? WTF is going on?

ARad= Polish Snookie (but not slutty, well that we know of)

Looking good CanWoz. Well, they looked like they had fun.

What do you guys think?

Warning: This post was made during an Insomnia episode. Side effects include extra vitchiness and being extra mean.

JJ kicks some bland butt to win her maiden IW title

Well, I am a very happy Vitch this evening. It’s no secret that I’m a Jelena Jankovic KAD, and bitch got shit done today, defeating Denmark’s Caroline Wozniacki 6-2,6-4 to win the BNP Paribas Open.

Le sigh. I love seeing her happy like that.

Anyways, she really played a great match. Her groundstrokes were awesome and, as per usual, her defensive skills were fucking amazing. Girl looked to be in really great shape.

Blahroline didn’t play badly. She was simply outplayed and outclassed by JJ in almost all departments. (JJ had 4 DFs to Caro’s 0, and, let’s face it, Caro looked way hotter. Tough I did like JJ’s ensemble, for once.) As my commie said, “Wozniacki is looking like a poor man’s Jankovic today.” How very true that was. Nevertheless, congrats to Wozniacki on becoming the new World #2.

Fierce bitch. I know that the fact I love JJ seems to make me an outsider amongst our HSMers and the awesome peeps that we chat to on Twitter. But I couldn’t give a flying fuck. I adore her. She was back to her bubbly, glittery self in the trophy presentation.

I am truly delighted for her. As Sveta once said, JJ, fuck the haters. You are the shit.

AJDE!

 

Meanwhile, In The Rafa-Less Side Of The Draw…

Hey…remember me? Your friendly neighborhood snarker/tennis stalker/ Fed-hater? OK, good. Apologize for not posting since forever, but it’s really my chronic laziness syndrome, and I can’t help that I’m afflicted with it. Going to try to post more, especially next week from Miami. Anyway, here’s the results recap from yesterday’s Rafa-less action:

The women’s semis were today. I confess I only watched the end of the second one. I’m starting to feel a little existential angst about the absurdity of the women’s draw. Yeah I know, in the end we do have two of the top women’s seeds in the final, but at this point that’s almost weirder to me than if it was 2 randoms. Especially since neither finalist has had very good results this year til now.

I picked Stosur in the tipping game, so of course she lost. Apparently JJ is playing really well.

And she’s got her last name on her racquet in case she forgets who she is or what her racquet looks like. Which is, you know, possible with her. JJ, would a little consistency kill you? I mean, lose your first match to Sevastova in Monterrey and now you’re in a Premier Mandatory final the following week? At least Ana is consistent, just sayin.

I caught the end of the A-Rad/Caro semi. Obviously lots of long rallies and some moonballing going on there, but I’m not hating on Caro. At least she didn’t lose early like everyone else who was picked to win this.

I used to be more of a JJ fan, but recently she’s started to bother me and I don’t know why. Too many stories about her being a bitch to fans, I guess. So I’m on Team Caro (or Team Viro, or Team Twitter) for the final.

Now on to the men. The first quarterfinal was basically lame. I mean I love Tommy to death, but he’s got to try something else against Dick bc whatever he’s been doing the last 11 matches is clearly not working. It’s possible he was still ill, but Dick was playing really well and was very focused. I think he thinks  he can win this tournament.

You’ve got a long way to go buddy. I mean, he really shouldn’t even be in the semis. It should be Fed. But Marcos took care of that (Sven bless him). Thing is, I actually think Marcos could have beaten Dick (heh), whereas Tommy clearly can’t. At any rate, Dick should enjoy being in the semis unexpectedly, because today he plays a guy he’s never beat.

This guy:

Robin Bo Carl dominated Muzz from the beginning. I love his game. Whatevs, I don’t care what his forehand looks like when he’s swinging it, I just care that he hits it hard and deep. I’m not a tennis technique connoisseur, people, I’m a tennis fast-food-oligist. Just give me want I want, I don’t care how you made it, that type of thing.

Where was I? Oh, yeah the DOMINATION. I don’t dislike Muzz anymore, but that was really fun to watch. Part of what I love about players like RBC, and Berd, and Nando, is that you never know what to expect. But when they’re on it’s amazing. Sod is 2-0 against Dick, once in indoor carpet and once on hardcourts. And that was a few years ago before Sod became a top 10 player. So in other words, bring it.

P.S. I honestly don’t see what so evil about a guy that tweets about Cheesecake Factory, jelly beans, and is ecstatically happy about his new remote control helicopter. I mean, really. It’s kinda adorbs. I think I’d have a hard time even hating Fed if he was doing that.

Oh, I almost forgot the doubles! We’ve got the EPICNESS that is Wild Card team Rafa and Marc! in the final!!!! And last night was the other dubs semi, new-force-to-be-reckoned-with-dubs-team Quizner (Querrey & Isner) vs old standbys of awesomeness Ziki and Daniel.

And Ziki and Daniel won! Which is better for Rafa and Marc, I think. But at least either way, someone awesome is winning the doubles title. So IW has done something right for sure. And it’s going to be on TV! Vamos!

Rafa Hasn’t Fucked It Up. Yet.

I’m such a positive KAD sometimes, right? I blame it on 2009. It left me broken. That’s all I’m going to say. I think the other Rafa KADs get my point. IW is slowing down and we are seeing the last few matches. The ladies semi-finals are set and we have one of the men’s semi-finals set up. I’m going to start a bit different today with the chicks.

Smiley JJ, you have been missed. JJ beat Kleybs in straights,64 64. She looked much better than she did in her other matches. I actually saw her BH down the line that I love so much and it was actually inside the line. Now all we need is the glitter back. Bring back the Glitter, JJ!! Those were better times.  JJ’s semi-final opponent?

New Top 10 member Boring Stosur. I do like her game but somehow I find her boring. So I apologize to her fans. I blame it on the AO Hit for Haiti. She was like a prob in that exo. Maybe she’s just shy and all she want’s to do is play. I respect that; still find that she has a boring personality. Well anyway, she has been playing fantastic tennis this week. I saw her match against Martinez (even though I didn’t care). Her serve is pretty awesome and she has great volleys. The match ended on a total “WTF happened?” challenge. The IW crowd started to boo. Keep it classy, IW crowd. Even if the tourney is sponsored by a French bank doesn’t mean you have to act like a French Tennis crowd. The ladies semis are today. So check the OOP on the previous post.

Hotness Killer and ridiculous sweat band wearer Mr. Clean beat Pico in 3 sets, 46 62 61. Yeah, yeah it’s a nice story. Still super pissed that he beat Nole and Pico. Mr. Clean turns 31 today. Happy Birthday! I totally thought the dude was much older, he does look over 40. I wish him a couple of things as a Bday present. First that someone tells him how stupid and ridiculous he looks with that sweat band. Second a good ass kick tomorrow at the semi finals by the hand of this guy:

Rafa beat Berdy in straights sets,64 76(4). The match was really high quality. Both guys were playing really good. Rafa hit some amazing winners. I (of course) was frazzled the whole match, especially in that TB. I really like Berdy; he’s a cutie and a total headcase. I do have a love/hate relationship with him. I love when he plays well and wins when I’m rooting for him. I love when he goes all headcasey when he plays my faves. I hate when he’s playing well and beats my faves.  What I hate most of all? When he goes all headcasey when I’m rooting for him and he’s playing someone that I despise. 2009 AO anyone? Talking about headcasing, he totally did that last night DFing in the TB giving Rafa the mini break. Thanks Berdy! The men’s semis will be on Saturday so Mr.Clean and Rafa get a day of rest while the other dudes left fight it out for the 2 spots left in the semis.

Complete Results: Thursday, March 18, 2010

Men’s Singles – Quarter-finals
[3] R Nadal (ESP) d [19] T Berdych (CZE) 64 76(4)
[20] I Ljubicic (CRO) d [21] J Monaco (ARG) 46 62 61
Women’s Singles – Quarter-finals
[6] J Jankovic (SRB) d [23] A Kleybanova (RUS) 64 64
[8] S Stosur (AUS) d [28] M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) 63 76(7)
Men’s Doubles – Quarter-finals
[1] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) d [5] F Cermak (CZE) / M Mertinak (SVK) w/o (Cermak – back)
Women’s Doubles – Semi-finals
K Peschke (CZE) / K Srebotnik (SLO) d Y Chan (TPE) / J Zheng (CHN) 16 63 10-4

On a final note I will say my new mantra for this week. Rafa, please for all that is Holy don’t fuck it up.

Bloodbath

Yesterday was a dark day at IW. There was only a little bit of life and hope left. Some Serbs and a Spanish dude that I flove with all my heart had to something with that. Let’s see what happened. I will start like always with the good news.

Rafa cruised against Ancic winning, 62 62. Good to have Mario back and happy that he lost *Merciless KAD* Also good news; Rafa knows how fugly his shorts are and said that he will be only wearing them this week. Rafa, next time ask for a sample of the finished product, not just the sketches. Sometimes things on paper look better than in person, this is one of those cases.

The good news about Nole is that he won. The bad news, he keeps playing like shit. He beat Kohls 63 26 76(3). He saved like 3 MPs, not sure since I was totally frazzled and pissed. Nole save some of that shitty play if you play Rafa in the semis. Kthxbye.

I had to post this pic. I’m still cracking up, it’s just so JJ. Well she won, but she also played like shit. She beat Errani, 26 76(6) 64.  Her serve was crap, I know her serve is not the best but  this was too much. Where is her awesome backhand down the line? I think I saw it somewhere but it landed in the doubles alley.

Now to the bloodbath of players that I like or love. Here is the victims list.

Nando, Oh Nando. He got trashed by Berdy,60 63. Yep, that’s a bagel. WTF Nando? Sigh.

Vika WTF happened? Sigh. She lost to Martinez Sanchez in straights,76(4) 62.

Bella Flavi lost to Peer,64 67(4) 61. This one is more for Emma than for me.  Sorry, vitch.

Kim lost to Kleybs. Kleybs!!! It seems Klebs likes to beat nice girls that are slam champions. You’re not Ana, Kim!! The score 64 16 76(4) and that last set TB was a total WTF? I still don’t know what went on.

Juanqui lost to Pico,76(2) 36 63. I hate when players that I like meet so early at a tourney. I love Pico but I kind of love Juanqui more, it’s the Spanish thing. I’m okay with this loss. I will give a couple of reasons. Juanqui has won a couple of titles and Pico needed it more. The most important reason? We where left with this:

Hotness and eternally hard nipples. YUM!

Full Results: Monday, March 15, 2010

Men’s Singles – Third Round
[2] N Djokovic (SRB) d [25] P Kohlschreiber (GER) 63 26 76(3)
[3] R Nadal (ESP) d M Ancic (CRO) 62 62
[19] T Berdych (CZE) d [10] F Verdasco (ESP) 60 63
[21] J Monaco (ARG) d [11] J Ferrero (ESP) 76(2) 36 63
[15] J Isner (USA) d [17] S Querrey (USA) 76(3) 64
[20] I Ljubicic (CRO) d [Q] B Dabul (ARG) 62 63
G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) d [26] T Bellucci (BRA) 46 62 61
Women’s Singles – Third Round
[28] M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) d [3] V Azarenka (BLR) 76(4) 62
[6] J Jankovic (SRB) d S Errani (ITA) 26 76(6) 64
[8] S Stosur (AUS) d [25] A Pavlyuchenkova (RUS) 63 60
[17] S Peer (ISR) d [9] F Pennetta (ITA) 64 67(4) 61
[12] V Zvonareva (RUS) d A Sevastova (LAT) 62 63
[13] Y Wickmayer (BEL) d R Vinci (ITA) 61 36 63
[23] A Kleybanova (RUS) d [14] K Clijsters (BEL) 64 16 76(4)
C Suarez Navarro (ESP) d [27] A Szavay (HUN) 64 36 61
Men’s Doubles – Second Round

[1] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) d J Blake (USA) / A Roddick (USA) 64 36 10-7
[6] S Aspelin (SWE) / P Hanley (AUS) d J Benneteau (FRA) / J Tsonga (FRA) 76(4) 63
I Karlovic (CRO) / D Vemic (SRB) d D Ferrer (ESP) / A Montanes (ESP) 63 46 12-10
Women’s Doubles – Second Round
[1] C Black (ZIM) / L Huber (USA) d A Amanmuradova (UZB) / D Kustova (BLR) 62 62
[3] N Petrova (RUS) / S Stosur (AUS) d A Hlavackova (CZE) / L Hradecka (CZE) 64 60
K Peschke (CZE) / K Srebotnik (SLO) d N Grandin (RSA) / A Spears (USA) 61 62

All Fashion Police units to IW please

It’s IW time, bitches!!!

Last night saw the BNP Paribas Open Player’s Party. Here are some of our fave examples of the “fashion” on show.

Oh, Rafa. Your horrific fashion sense is utterly endearing

If any other player wore this, I’d give them shit for being mumsy. But I love Kim, and she really is a Mama. So, work it!

The Joe Six Pack of the ATP. He’s just a normal dude!

Next time someone calls Muzz “The Ginge Hotness”, I’m having them sectioned.

I’m a JJkad. So, I’ll just say this isn’t one of her worst efforts.  But seriously, WTF?

Ana and Sorana. I think both look beautiful. Ivanovic in particular looks gorgeous.

I am trying *so* hard not to say something mean (and truthful) about this. So, yeah. Just no.

LMAO. Oh Dani. I had an outfit just like this about 6 years ago. When I was 16 and didn’t know any better.

So, HSMers, who did YOU think was the Best/Worst dressed?