I’m Pissed

So everyone I wanted to win last night lost. So I’m going to be real here. I don’t give a fuck who wins the AO now. All I know is that there’s one douche that I don’t want to win . I don’t even have to mention his name, we all know who it is. The dude has enough slams. I’m going to start with the chicks first then with the dudes.

What. a. shit fest? Vee should have won this match. She even served for it. This match was so bad that I keep falling asleep. I took like 5 naps. If someone wants to see what bad tennis is, just watch that craptastic 3rd set. It was a total breakfest and full of errors. What is it with Vee going all headcasey at the AO? Last year was Suarez Navarro. This year was Li Na. Nails got it done in the end and becomes the first Chinese Lady ( I took that from Killer Cahill, WTF? She has a name, dude) to make the top 10 so congrats to her.

This was actually a good match. It had nice winners and it had funny moments. I totally thought Vika had this. But this is Serena Effing Williams and she’s playing for a slam. Vika didn’t choke, Serena took it from her. I’m sad, I wanted Vika to win but she did give her all, so I’m proud of this awesome bitch with the Siren song.  She will win a slam in the future of that I’m sure.

Now to the dudes:

Kolya you’re useless

What are you smiling about, you choker? You just lost you idiot.

Like many expected Kolya choked against Fed. Kolya won the first set and was about to go up a double break in the second. Then he went all headcasey started to play like shit. He totally proved that he’s Russian. Fed took like 10  straight games and the rest is history. Fed won in four. Whatevs.

Poor Baby. For those who say that Nole is a pussy for retiring from other slams. Suck it. The boy was sick and brought the Djokohones out. He lost in 5 against Jo and fought till the very end even if he was feeling like crap. So with this Nole misses his chance to be #1 for now. I think he will get #2, still no idea and really don’t care about rankings at the moment.

Congrats to Jo. Let see if you can beat Fed. I don’t think he can to be honest. Still as a proud member of the ABF Club I’ll be rooting for Jo. Allez!

Complete Scores: Here

OOP Thursday: Here

Aussie Open Day 8 Dudes results. The day the hotness died.

Well, overall, that fucking sucked.

Good job, photog. HSM fave and DBO provider Nando lost another epic five setter, this time to the ultimate boner killer….

Damn you Kolya. Why ya gotta play us HSM ladies like that? Stop beating our faves ya tool! (Although we do love your missus. Irina pwns everyone.)

Nando fought back from two ses to love down to force a decider, but in the end, lost by 6-2, 7-5, 4-6, 6-7, 6-3.

Kolya will now play TMD, who ruined the night of Aussie fans, and indeed TMD haterz, by beating Lleyton in straights. I didn’t see the match, but hear it was an incredibly boring affair. What a shock. Kolya, I usually DGAF about your matches, but try and actually beat TMD when it matters this time. Otherwise…

This BAMF will probably kick your ass, and you’ll be on the HSM shitlist forever.

There was some good news today, this hottie got great win..

beating Lukasz Kubot in straights, and will now face this cutie…

..who came through another five set epic against Assmagro. It will be a repeat of the 2008 AO final. Gah. I can’t wait!

Day 9 OOP on RLA (11am start) Day Sesh : Haley Joel Henin v Nads, Jay Z vs MaKiri, RANdy vs Marin.

Evening Sesh( NB 19:30): Rafa vs MAndy bitches!!! Followed by the Douche Twins vs Some other dudes.

Australian Open: Day 4

Another day done and dusted. There were a couple of “upsets”. Well they’re not really upsets, but I’m upset about it. So, I’m going to get the bad things out of the way first.

FFS, Ferru. What I’m going to do with you? You where up 2 sets to none. Then you go all headcasey and lose in 5 to Baggy. I’m so pissed. I just want to slap some sense into the man. Yeah, yeah Baggy played great and his fans were annoying as hell. Whatevs.

Another of my faves that I want to slap some sense to, Ana. I’m really getting tired of this crap. The girl needs to get real and get a sport psychologist.  Her press conference was a total gem. The press conferences are not therapy sections, Ana.  I get that she’s still trying to be positive is not like she has to be all Dina like. I just think Ana is not being real with herself.  Until she does things won’t get better. Moving on.

Djokohones in full force.

Nole had a bit of a scare losing the first set to that other Swiss dude not named Fed or Stan. He played like crap that first set with tons of errors. By the 2nd he got his shit together and won rather easy. Good Boy.

Someone that also got his shit together, Nando. He cruised against Sergeyev. Thank Sven, he will probably have to play Kolya at some point and well the dude is looking really scary.

Pico won in 5 sets against Frenchie Llodra. I didn’t see the match since it seems all the matches I do want to see are put at the same time. I did want to show that they gave Pico a new ADIDAS kit. It’s not as bad as Nando because of the lack of a collar but the shorts are fug as hell.

Jo looks so adorable in this pic. That’s why I posted it. I’m not going to lie. He won rather easy against Dent. WTG Jo. Moving on to some WTA.

She looks so cute. Caro cruised in  to the 3rd round. She beat Goerges in straights. YAY, Sunshine!!

Now onto Caro’s BFF, bitch and eternal badass, Vika. She was amazing and handed out some baked products. She won in straights and bageled some Swiss chick in the 2nd set.

Complete Scores: Here

Friday’s OOPHere

 

Kooyong lineup = made of win.

Grab a fresh pair of knickers ladies, cos here comes the moment we’ve been waiting for the return of Jo, Nole and Nando to the courts.

I love how Nole has his hands on his package in that pic, cos if I was in that pic, that’s probably where my hands would be as well. We’re MFEO.

Anyways, the boys all showed up for the Kooyong Presser earlier today, and most of them looked totes adorable in the process.

 TMD has decided that he doesn’t wanna lose anymore than is necessary before the AO, so he’s reneging on his commitments at a couple of days notice and not showing up. Nice, Fedoucherer. He’ll now be replaced by Old Man Ljubicic. Sure the fans are fricking delighted about that. /sarcasm

They are both delicious BAMFs.

 Jo Willy told reporters at the presser that he is completely recovered from the injury which saw him sidelined from recent tournies, thank God. Fangirls worldwide can now breathe a collective sigh of relief. Nando just looked hawt and bored.

Le sigh. He’s so dreamy.

Overall, the lineup looks awesome. HSM faves Nando, Nole, Gonzo, Jo Willy and JMDP are all present, as are The Sod, Ljubicic, and Haas. Game on, chicos! Exho schmexo, they all want to win!

Here’s the draw. 

The Douche, The Boring And The Pretty.

Some players are already in Melbourne Park getting ready for the AO. Muzz, Blah, Charlie, Kolya and Jo had been spotted on the practice courts.

Pic Spam Alert!

Look who’s trying to be fun.

Look a total bore and a total douche.

A hot douche.

Still on my shit list.

Someone is trying to get a tan.

Not working.

He’s not my cup of tea, but I know some people love some Jo.  So this is for you.

Just for you Em. Just for you.