Masha, Monfils out; TMD, Blahroline through

Yeah. So yesterday at IW was pretty much total fail. HSM faves Masha, Evgeny, Ferru, Monfils, MaKiri and Bally (among others) were all knocked out. While douchenags that we’re not toofond of gave us all hope by losing sets only to come back and win. Yeah, I am talking about you know who.

Masha lost to the Jay Zizzle, in a truly shiteous match, in three sets

Le sigh. Monfils lost to Simon Greul, who is now totally shitlisted til further notice

I swear, this wasn’t a bitchy photo selection on my part. Twas the best of the lot. I’m actually serious. She ousted Kiri

All results:

Men’s Singles – Third Round [29] V Troicki (SRB) d [5] N Davydenko – w/o (broken left wrist)

Men’s Singles – Second Round

[1] R Federer (SUI) d V Hanescu (ROU) 63 67(5) 61

 [4] A Murray (GBR) d A Seppi (ITA) 64 64

 [6] R Soderling (SWE) d E Korolev (KAZ) 62 64

[7] A Roddick (USA) d [Q] Y Lu (TPE) 64 64

[9] J Tsonga (FRA) d [Q] M Matosevic (AUS) 61 63

S Greul (GER) d [12] G Monfils (FRA) 16 62 63

J Blake (USA) d [13] D Ferrer (ESP) 61 64

D Sela (ISR) d [14] R Stepanek (CZE) 64 16 62

[18] T Robredo (ESP) d S Stakhovsky (UKR) 36 63 75

[22] J Melzer (AUT) d [WC] D Nalbandian (ARG) 64 61

N Almagro (ESP) d [23] I Karlovic (CRO) 75 76(5)

[24] A Montanes (ESP) d [Q] R Mello (BRA) 36 64 64

[27] M Baghdatis (CYP) d A Clement (FRA) 76(7) 61

[28] F Lopez (ESP) d P Mathieu (FRA) 36 63 64

T de Bakker (NED) d [30] J Tipsarevic (SRB) 32 ret. (abdominal strain)

M Russell (USA) d [32] I Andreev (RUS) 46 63 62

 Men’s Doubles – Second Round M Llodra (FRA) / A Ram (ISR) d J Tipsarevic (SRB) / V Troicki (SRB) w/o (Tipsarevic – abdominal strain) Men’s Doubles – First Round [1] D Nestor (CAN) / N Zimonjic (SRB) d E Butorac (USA) / R Ram (USA) 63 64 T Berdych (CZE) / P Kohlschreiber (GER) d [2] B Bryan (USA) / M Bryan (USA) 76(4) 75 [WC] M Lopez (ESP) / R Nadal (ESP) d [3] L Dlouhy (CZE) / L Paes (IND) 64 36 10-6 [6] S Aspelin (SWE) / P Hanley (AUS) d J Kerr (AUS) / F Polasek (SVK) 75 63 F Lopez (ESP) / F Verdasco (ESP) d [WC] M Ancic (CRO) / M Fish (USA) 76(9) 63

Women’s Singles – Third Round

[2] C Wozniacki (DEN) d [32] M Kirilenko (RUS) 60 63

[4] E Dementieva (RUS) d K Flipkens (BEL) 64 62

[5] A Radwanska (POL) d [31] G Dulko (ARG) 61 60

[18] J Zheng (CHN) d [10] M Sharapova (RUS) 63 26 63

[11] M Bartoli (FRA) d J Craybas (USA) 62 60

[19] A Rezai (FRA) d [15] F Schiavone (ITA) 67(4) 76(2) 64

[16] N Petrova (RUS) d S Peng (CHN) 61 75

[WC] A Molik (AUS) d [Q] E Baltacha (GBR) 60 62

Women’s Doubles – Second Round [2] N Llagostera Vives (ESP) / M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) d G Dulko (ARG) / F Pennetta (ITA) 75 76(4) I Benesova (CZE) / B Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) d [5] A Kleybanova (RUS) / F Schiavone (ITA) 57 75 10-1 [6] B Mattek-Sands (USA) / Z Yan (CHN) d [WC] T Garbin (ITA) / J Jankovic (SRB) 64 46 10-5


Masha fierce, Queen Vee defends crown, Mariana pops title cherry

The WTA is batshit crazy. But I fucking love it!

Masha fierce > Sasha fierce. FACT. HSM fave Sharapova crushed Sofia Arvidsson by 6-2, 6-1 in the Memphis final. Good times for Masha, who seemed to be on supreme form all week. She’s definitely on the up! Davai!

Meanwhile, the classier Willaims sister, Queen Vee, defended her Dubai crown by downing BAMF Vika, 6-3, 7-5.

And finally, a big congrats to young Colombian Mariana Duque Marino, who won her maiden title at her home tournie in Bogotá. Good for her, and good for Colombian tennis. She defeated the favored Angelique Kerber in the final.

This week, the SEWTA Tour moves on to Acapulco and Kuala Lumpur.



Aussie Open: Day 1 (Fuck You Rain)

The AO kicked off today in strange fashion (and I’m not just referring to Masha’s dress). As opposed to the usual heat and sun we’re used to seeing on TV, Melbourne was rainy and chilly today. Many of the matches were cancelled, so the OOP will be insane tomorrow. I know that the AO has typically been the “surprise” slam, where anything can happen. But I don’t think anyone expected Kiri to beat Masha in the first match on Rod Laver.

She was just so consistent. She was hitting as hard (and shrieking almost as loud) as Masha. Of course it didn’t hurt that Sven was in her players box with Igor. Sven makes things happen. Maybe a bit of the Sven awesome will rub off on Igor and he can beat Fed tomorrow. Hey, I can dream.

I love Masha but it’s just as well that we don’t have to look at the dress for 2 weeks. A photographer tried to take a picture of Masha’s fug “Avatar/fucking rainforest” dress and it was the last picture they ever took.

Here are the other happenings from Monday:

Dick stopped, dropped and rolled his way to an easy win over Thiemo de Bakker.

Muzz failed to give me my dream triple bagel match, by losing 4 games to Kevin Anderson. Pffft. But he did give us this:


One of the best things that happened was that Delpo totally went off on an umpire. Well, he was nice about it, he didn’t belittle the person like Roddick does. But I’ve never seen him argue with an ump to that extent.

It was awesome.

Oh, and Kuz took the “towel over head” thing to a whole new level.

Flavs came close to losing to Chakky before she woke up. Does she not have a sponsor now? Did she get these clothes at Macy’s or something?

Speaking of clothes: why oh why.  To be honest, the shorts weren’t as bad to me as the see-through jacket he walked out on court in. But as long as the fug doesn’t affect his game, it’s all good in the end, right?

Rafa took out “Kendrick’s evil douchy twin” (thanks TennisLuvah) 7-6 (0), 6-1, 6-4.

I couldn’t let Muzz be your last shirtless image. I do have a sense of decency.

Full Monday Results Here

Tuesday OOP Here

She works hard for the money…. so hard for it honey

Damn, girlfriend’s gettin paiiiiiiid.

Fierce bitch and HSM fave Masha has just inked a new deal with mega sponsor Nike. Apparently, Masha will be with them for another 8 years and will be paid a reported $70 million USD. That’s $70m for eight years! Jeebus. That shit is loco. As Masha herself once said, “It’s never enough. Bring on the money.”

Good for you girl. Good for you.

The Head Bitch Returns To Melbourne

So good to see Masha back on the Melbourne Park practice courts. I missed her so much last year and was so sad that she wasn’t able to defend her title.

She seems happy too. LOVE HER!!

Bitchfest Day 4: Team Yevgeny-Masha Wins

Today was the deciding day of Bitchfest aka the Hong Kong Tennis Classic, and Team Russia won. I guess it became a best 2 of 3 thing after Bepa withdrew. Pfft, whatever. I’m still pissed I didn’t get my Vika-Bepa match.

Here are the results:

Kafelnikov def. Edberg 7-5 6-4
Masha def. Caro 7-5 6-3
Caro/Edberg def. Bepa/Kafelnikov 6-4 6-3

I really like that outfit. Yeah, I know I’ve said it before.

Well, at least Bepa didn’t win any matches. I do really like Masha and Yevgeny, so they deserved it. Too bad they have a crappy person on their team.

Head bitch in charge is back.

Masha and Yevgeny did all the work. And they look so cute here. Team Russia is 67% awesome.

Bitchfest: Day 1

The Hong Kong Tennis Classic exo is finally underway. Today Team Russia took on Team Asia-Pacific. The singles went pretty much went how I expected them to:

Bepa beat Morita: 6-2 6-2
Masha beat Zheng: 6-7 6-4 6-2
Paradorn beat Yevgeny: 6-2 1-6 10-4 (final set’s a superTB)

Ugly outfit.

Guess who?

I kinda like the outfit in a weird way.

Oh and the mixed dubs. Masha and Kafelnikov won the match 6-4 7-5.

LOL. Sorry about the watermarks, but I had to use these. Awesome. Here’s a video of the first bit of the match.

Day 1 Done and done. Now all I need is for Team Europe to dominate from here on. Too bad Masha has to be on Bepa’s team, ugh.