Meanwhile, In The Rafa-Less Side Of The Draw…

Hey…remember me? Your friendly neighborhood snarker/tennis stalker/ Fed-hater? OK, good. Apologize for not posting since forever, but it’s really my chronic laziness syndrome, and I can’t help that I’m afflicted with it. Going to try to post more, especially next week from Miami. Anyway, here’s the results recap from yesterday’s Rafa-less action:

The women’s semis were today. I confess I only watched the end of the second one. I’m starting to feel a little existential angst about the absurdity of the women’s draw. Yeah I know, in the end we do have two of the top women’s seeds in the final, but at this point that’s almost weirder to me than if it was 2 randoms. Especially since neither finalist has had very good results this year til now.

I picked Stosur in the tipping game, so of course she lost. Apparently JJ is playing really well.

And she’s got her last name on her racquet in case she forgets who she is or what her racquet looks like. Which is, you know, possible with her. JJ, would a little consistency kill you? I mean, lose your first match to Sevastova in Monterrey and now you’re in a Premier Mandatory final the following week? At least Ana is consistent, just sayin.

I caught the end of the A-Rad/Caro semi. Obviously lots of long rallies and some moonballing going on there, but I’m not hating on Caro. At least she didn’t lose early like everyone else who was picked to win this.

I used to be more of a JJ fan, but recently she’s started to bother me and I don’t know why. Too many stories about her being a bitch to fans, I guess. So I’m on Team Caro (or Team Viro, or Team Twitter) for the final.

Now on to the men. The first quarterfinal was basically lame. I mean I love Tommy to death, but he’s got to try something else against Dick bc whatever he’s been doing the last 11 matches is clearly not working. It’s possible he was still ill, but Dick was playing really well and was very focused. I think he thinks  he can win this tournament.

You’ve got a long way to go buddy. I mean, he really shouldn’t even be in the semis. It should be Fed. But Marcos took care of that (Sven bless him). Thing is, I actually think Marcos could have beaten Dick (heh), whereas Tommy clearly can’t. At any rate, Dick should enjoy being in the semis unexpectedly, because today he plays a guy he’s never beat.

This guy:

Robin Bo Carl dominated Muzz from the beginning. I love his game. Whatevs, I don’t care what his forehand looks like when he’s swinging it, I just care that he hits it hard and deep. I’m not a tennis technique connoisseur, people, I’m a tennis fast-food-oligist. Just give me want I want, I don’t care how you made it, that type of thing.

Where was I? Oh, yeah the DOMINATION. I don’t dislike Muzz anymore, but that was really fun to watch. Part of what I love about players like RBC, and Berd, and Nando, is that you never know what to expect. But when they’re on it’s amazing. Sod is 2-0 against Dick, once in indoor carpet and once on hardcourts. And that was a few years ago before Sod became a top 10 player. So in other words, bring it.

P.S. I honestly don’t see what so evil about a guy that tweets about Cheesecake Factory, jelly beans, and is ecstatically happy about his new remote control helicopter. I mean, really. It’s kinda adorbs. I think I’d have a hard time even hating Fed if he was doing that.

Oh, I almost forgot the doubles! We’ve got the EPICNESS that is Wild Card team Rafa and Marc! in the final!!!! And last night was the other dubs semi, new-force-to-be-reckoned-with-dubs-team Quizner (Querrey & Isner) vs old standbys of awesomeness Ziki and Daniel.

And Ziki and Daniel won! Which is better for Rafa and Marc, I think. But at least either way, someone awesome is winning the doubles title. So IW has done something right for sure. And it’s going to be on TV! Vamos!


You Better Not Fuck It Up, Rafa.

Yesterday at IW was a really good day if you were a Rafa fan. His draw got a lot easier. Some ppl are already giving him the title. I’m not one of those ppl. I believe in taking it one match at the time. There still dangerous players in the draw. Who really though that Fed was going to lose to Baggy? Some ppl where hopeful  *ahem* Jills. My point is that you never know with tennis; sometimes anything can happen. Anyway… now let’s see the results, shall we?

Rafa beat Tree in 3 sets, 75 36 63. It was the first time they played and I was frazzled to no end. Tree is like an improved version of Dr. Ivo. His serve is just as good, he has better ground strokes and volleys, and I would totally jump his bones because he’s hot. Both Rafa and Tree were playing great in that 1st set. Rafa had 0 UFEs, yes ZERO. Rafa was playing great; I totally thought he was going to win in straights with the way he was playing. Then he totally brainfarted DFing 2 straight times (those were his first UFEs), and Tree hit an awesome winner giving him BPs.  Of course Tree took the gift that Rafa was giving him. Then the set was pretty much over because, well, we all know how it is with big servers. Then, in the 3rd set, Tree began to tire. Rafa does that to you. Rafa broke him and held serve a couple of times. Rafa was really pumped. The End. FYI, Rafa and Marc! keep kicking ass in doubles. They won.

Now the reason why Rafa’s draw got a lot easier.

This guy lost. I’ve been saying that Nole was playing like shit the whole week. He lost to Mr. Clean,  75 63. Yes, he lost to Old Man Ljubicic of all ppl and in straights.  I just saw a little bit of the match because those fuckers at the IW organization decided that it was a great idea to put Nole and Rafa on at the same time. It seems Mr. Clean took a tennis viagra and if Nole was playing like he was playing in his 2 previous matches, I totally get the result.  I’m kind of worried for Serbia in DC, it’s going to be a really hard tie against the Croats. He lost to the oldest tennis player in Croatia, ffs. Moving on.

Berdy beat Vik, 61 63. He’s Rafa’s next opponent. I really don’t know what to think. I can’t say how he’s been playing from what I saw. Vik had played 1 game before this match. Enjoy the free points and easy money, Vik. I didn’t see the match with Nando but from reports it seems Nando was playing crappy. Rafa hasn’t lost to Berdy I think since 2006. Still frazzled. I’m a KAD what can I say?

Tommy beat Fed Killer Baggy in 3 sets, 75 06 64. That bagel totally has a explanation. It seems Tommy has a big tummy ache. He has “the runs” like some commie said. So he better drink a lot of Pepto Bismol before his next match. He has to play this guy:

Dick beat Melzer, 76(5) 64. He has been playing great. Fed is out of his quarter, no chance for another loss from Fed’s hands. So he must be super pumped. This is a golden opportunity for Dick.

Someone finally got rid of GarLo the bracket ruiner. That someone was Pico. I so want Pico to make the semis. Avenge Nole, Pico! He plays Mr. Clean next.

Sod beat Jo,  63 64. It seems Sod owns Jo’s ass and I really don’t get it. The match seem super fast. Sod just cruised. WTF Jo?

Sod plays Muzz next. He won by retirement against Judas, 62 10 ret.. It seems Judas has an ankle injury. Well at least Judas got rid of Blah. Now to the chicks.

There were only two WTA matches. Remember when I said that I thought Lena was going to to win IW?

Well of course she lost to ARad,64 63. Proving once again that you can’t trust Lena and that WTA predictions are useless. ARad hasn’t lost a set and she keeps being ignored.  Her next opponent?

Caro. She beat adorable Jie, 64 46 61. Can I get a moment of silence for my WTA tennis pool team? There’s a lot in line for Caro in the match against ARad. Not only would she make the final,  she would become World #2, her highest ranking to date. I love Kiri but it seems Stella McCartney made the right choice by dumping Kiri for Caro. Even if the clothes looked better on Kiri, ppl are finally seeing her designs.

Full Results: Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Men’s Singles – Fourth Round
[20] I Ljubicic (CRO) d [2] N Djokovic (SRB) 75 63
[3] R Nadal (ESP) d [15] J Isner (USA) 75 36 63
[4] A Murray (GBR) d N Almagro (ESP) 64 10 ret. (ankle)
[6] R Soderling (SWE) d [9] J Tsonga (FRA) 63 64
[7] A Roddick (USA) d[22] J Melzer (AUT) 76(5) 64
[18] T Robredo (ESP) d [27] M Baghdatis (CYP) 75 06 64
[19] T Berdych (CZE) d [29] V Troicki (SRB) 61 63
[21] J Monaco (ARG) d G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) 36 62 61
Ladies’ Doubles – Quarterfinals
[2] C Wozniacki (DEN) d [18] J Zheng (CHN) 64 46 61
[5] A Radwanska (POL) d [4] E Dementieva (RUS) 64 63
Men’s Doubles – Quarterfinals
[6] S Aspelin (SWE) / P Hanley (AUS) d J Brunstrom (SWE) / J Rojer (AHO) 63 63
[WC] M Lopez (ESP) / R Nadal (ESP) d M Llodra (FRA) / A Ram (ISR) 62 64
J Isner (USA) / S Querrey (USA) d I Karlovic (CRO) / D Vemic (SRB) 63 64
Ladies’ Doubles – Quarterfinals
[6] B Mattek-Sands (USA) / Z Yan (CHN) d [2] N Llagostera Vives (ESP) / M Martinez Sanchez (ESP) 76(3) 16 10-5
[3] N Petrova (RUS) / S Stosur (AUS) d I Benesova (CZE) / B Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) 26 62 10-7

Heineken Open: Tree Kills The Last Hotness

This is the moment I stopped caring about the Heineken Open. Well, kind of. Tree beat top seed Tommy in 3 sets, 76(5) 36 64. It kind of pisses me of that Tommy was up a break in that first set. He could have won it in straights. Whatevs. You still got those Gold Diamond balls, Tommy. Good Luck in the AO.

He kind of reminds me of  a young Hagrid in this pic. You’re lucky that I like you, Tree. You better win the whole damn thing now. With Tommy lost, it means all top 4 seeds are out. Who says the ATP can’t be unpredictable.

Full Scores: Thursday, January 14, 2010

Singles – Quarter-finals
J Isner (USA) d [1] T Robredo (ESP) 76(5) 36 64
[5] P Kohlschreiber (GER) d M Gicquel (FRA) 63 61
A Clement (FRA) d [6] J Melzer (AUT) 62 75
[8] A Montanes (ESP) d [Q] M Lammer (SUI) 63 63
Doubles – Semi-finals
M Melo (BRA) / B Soares (BRA) d T Bellucci (BRA) / A Sa (BRA) 75 63
Doubles – Quarter-finals
M Melo (BRA) / B Soares (BRA) d R Wassen (NED) / H Zeballos (ARG) 61 75


Heineken Open: The Day The Hotness Died

Today at the Heineken Open there was a hotness massacre. I’m really close to not caring about this tournament anymore. Let’s start.

The first victim was Juanqui. I think this was the worse of all. He didn’t even get to play a whole set.  At 3-1, he fell and sprained his right ankle and was forced to retire. Now he seems questionable for the AO. FU, Tennis Gods. There are no pics of this match, so I posted a pic of him with puppies, because it’s cute and it makes me happy. Let’s continue.

Another victim of the massacre, Ferru. Sigh. He lost  75 64 to frenchie Clement.  Again, there are no pics of this match. So I posted an old one. I imagine that Ferru totally looked like this during the match. Next.

Pico lost to Tree in 3 sets, 57 64 63. I’m amazed that none were TB sets. I like Tree but I wanted Pico to win. Whatevs. Again, there were no pics of this match, so I posted a pic of Pico and his eternally hard nipples.

There was also Thomaz. He lost to Kohls,  64 61. At least he won a match on hard-courts and he’s still in doubles.  There were also no pics of this match. So I posted a pic of  Thomaz celebrating  his first ATP title. Good times.

The only one that survived the hotness massacre was Tommy. He beat Greul in 2 TB sets, 76(1) 76(2). Also, this was the only match that had pictures. Well, out of the matches that I care for. There were a grand total of 2 pics and they where horrible. This was the best of the two.  All of the good photographers seem to be in Australia. Pffffff.

Complete Scores: Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Singles – Second Round
[1] T Robredo (ESP) d S Greul (GER) 76(1) 76(2)
A Clement (FRA) d [2] D Ferrer (ESP) 75 64
[Q] M Lammer (SUI) d [3] J Ferrero (ESP) 31 ret. (right ankle sprain)
M Gicquel (FRA) d [4] N Almagro (ESP) 60 63
[5] P Kohlschreiber (GER) d T Bellucci (BRA) 64 61
[6] J Melzer (AUT) d [WC] S Grosjean (FRA) 62 67(5) 76(1)
J Isner (USA) d [7] J Monaco (ARG) 57 64 63
[8] A Montanes (ESP) d [WC] J Statham (NZL) 76(6) 62
Doubles – Quarter-finals
J Brunstrom (SWE) / J Rojer (AHO) d [2] L Dlouhy (CZE) / L Paes (IND) 62 63
[WC] M Daniell (NZL) / H Tecau (ROU) d [3] M Granollers (ESP) / T Robredo (ESP) 36 76(5) 10-8
R Wassen (NED) / H Zeballos (ARG) vs M Melo (BRA) / B Soares (BRA)
T Bellucci (BRA) / A Sa (BRA) d L Arnold Ker (ARG) / J Monaco (ARG) 75 64

Tommy Has Balls. In More Ways Than One.


The Hopman Cup final was today, with Britain taking on Spain. Yesterday, if you recall, I said that I didn’t think L-Rob or T-Rob would win their singles matches, and thought it would be decided in mixed dubs. Well- I was right about the mixed dubs part at least.

L-Rob did well against MJMS, beating her 6-1 7-6. I kinda like L-Rob (not as much as everyone else, seemingly), but to be honest I didn’t want her to win because I thought Muzz would beat Tommy routinely and the mixed dubs would be non-existent.

So it was all on Tommy’s shoulders. He had to beat Muzz- and he did.

When Tommy lost the first set 6-1, I was definitely worried. But he actually gained mental strength as the match went on, eventually winning 1-6, 6-4, 6-3. I am beyond happy for Tommy. He played SO well. He served great, his net play was awesome, but most importantly- his confidence and mental focus got him the win. I hope he can keep it up in Auckland and Melbourne.

Then came the live!doubles match, and it was really fun to watch, and really intense. The Brits actually had 3 set points in the first set, but couldn’t convert. Overall, Team Spain played very smart, and Tommy was always ready to pounce at any opportunity. All credit to the Brits, but Andy was more timid than T-Rob, so that might have been a factor. Spain won 7-6, 7-5. VAMOS.

In reward for playing with major balls against the world #4, Tommy got another ball. A gold and diamond ball to match his other one. Tommy has 2 DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED BALLS. How many players can say that? Not many.

His speech was adorbs. ADORBS. Love him so much.

I love Hopman Cup.

The Tommy Cup

That’s what they need to rename this tournament, because Tommy is straight up owning it. Yeah, he had help from MJMS, and yeah two of his opponents (Hanescu and Lleyton) were somewhat injured, but really all credit to Tommy. He owns the group.

And so Spain advances to the final with a 9-0 record. Tonight decides who will join them. I’d be happy with either Russia or Britain. Well, actually, I’d prefer Britain. Muzz should at least get a Hopman Cup final in exchange for his #4 ATP World Tour ranking, right?

Hopman Cup: Aussies Knock Out USA, Spain Undefeated

Well, this isn’t a shock. In Session 5 of the Hopman Cup, the more experienced Aussies pretty much killed the USA in their singles matches, winning both in straight sets. Sam beat Melanie 6-2, 6-4 in the opener.

In men’s singles Hewitt was on fire and, frankly, Isner was not on his game. Two Isner double faults to open his first service game gave Lleyton the early break. Lleyton dominated from the start, winning 6-1, 7-5. With a lot of “come on!!”s in between.

Lleyton’s new short hair/no hat look makes him about a zillion times better-looking. I admit, I was thinking he was cute for a second there. Again, sue me.

Then came the mixed dubs. I was happy (and surprised) that the US was able to win the match 2-6, 6-1, 7-6 (10-5).

At least they’ve got a win on the board.


Session 6 was between Spain and Romania. Both these teams had solid first rounds wins, so this looked to be competitive. But it wasn’t to be. Sorana lost pretty swiftly to MJMS (4-6, 3-6). After being bageled by T-Rob in the second set of men’s singles, Hanescu was forced to retire from the session, giving Spain a walkover in mixed dubs. Sucks, but I’m glad Tommy’s team won.

Also, so as not to disappoint the crowd, Pat Cash stepped in and played on Sorana’s team in a short dubs “pro set,” which Spain won 8-4. And the fact that this wasn’t on my TV makes me very angry.

So Spain is currently undefeated at 6-0 after 2 sessions. Vamos! Though I don’t care for MJMS, I’d be happy if Spain won just because Tommy’s awesome.

Wednesday’s sessions are Britain vs Germany (10 AM local) and Russia vs Kazakhstan (5:30 PM local). Tennis Channel is airing Britain vs Germany tonight at 9PM est time, which is awesome. Can wait to see Muzz’ kit, and especially mixed dubs.

Oh, and it’s LADIES DAY. And Muzz is SINGLE. Look out.